While You Were Being Upfront I My Honesty Was In Back Mocking Me

Instant gratification. That's what life's all about right? Um... No, however being that we as humans are so superior in our thinking it seems that we make the higher power look as though it had forgotten something. Really, what is she talking about now?, I bet you're asking. I'm talking about the start of what we think will be award winning relationships between us as men and women, and today class I will be using my own relationship as an example. You see, in the beginning when my other half and I met it was love- excuse me I meant to say lust at first sight. Nevermind that I was just starting over living on my own again and getting used to the freedom, I figured, "Oh surely I can fit a man into my schedule at this point." Let's forget that I had just had some major reconstructive LIFE surgeries that I have yet to pay the bill for. (Did you get that?) I figured a little companionship wouldn't hurt, and neither would some much needed releases if you catch my drift. The thing is this time I was smart enough to say, "Hey here are my flaws- upfront so that you'll know." I'm thinking honesty is the best way to seal the deal. Yeah well maybe for me. What about him though? All he did was nod his head for about a month during some nice wine drinking sessions and kept telling me how gorgeous I was, by the way, all that while still getting in my undies. This resulted in us deciding that it was obviously fate that had brought us together and bring on the wedding bells! Please honey! If I take you to meet my family and they tell you I'm a handful by all means PAY ATTENTION!! Then again you telling me that you are a butthole should have got me thinking as well, but I just thought you were being shy. Listen class, the point is that after knowing each other all of two days (exaggerating, but not far off), and me moving in with him not long after that I should have seen the red flags. It's always cool at first, but again all my flaws that I was so inclined to be upfront about began to show right away and all that talk of marriage slowly sunk into the quick sand with me trying to hold on and pull it out because after all: it was fate that obviously brought he and I together! Now, that information about him being a butthole? Turns out to be HELLA true with no cure available- believe me, it's like the plague! And to top all that off I haven't saved a dime since I've lived with him and I had a job. Now I'm pregnant, we can't stand each other and I have no where to go. Yes, I'm laughing even as I type this right now because I realized had he just admitted that getting in my undies was more interesting than my honesty then we wouldn't be in this predicament right now! Well class, times up until the next lesson. See ya!